#21. Dream/Story

Posted: January 16, 2015 in Essay

Something a bit different today.  I had a dream last night where I was floating watching what was going on below.  All I saw in the dream were snapshots of what was happening, but enough to get the gist.  So I thought I would try and fill in the blanks with a short story, or maybe it would be better to call it an essay.  Here we go…

broken heart

He sits in the same kitchen that he has sat in a hundred times.  It is different this time however.  Her parents are there, but she has yet to arrive.  He is not sure why is he is there.  He assumes her parents are hoping that they will get back together and give it another try.  He knows it won’t happen.  He knows that her heart is not where it once was.  He also knows that his will not heal anytime soon.

She bounces into the room like a child on a spring day accompanied by 4 guys.  Full of life and possibilities.  He wonders if she knows is as empty as newly finished glass of water.  He wonders which one is the new him.  It is already too much for him to handle.  She sees him and says hello and acts like they are long time friends reunited.  He plays along because you never want to be “that” guy.  You never want to be the heart broken ex who can’t get over some broad.  Her dad pulls him aside and asks, “Are you ok?”

“I need a drink.  Bourbon if you have it.”  He replies.

“Sure”.

The evening goes on.  Dinner is served, stories are told, and people laugh.  It becomes obvious to him who the new him is by the overdone PDA.  He wants to scream.  What was he thinking?  Why would he do this to himself?  The night is blurred like dust sucked up a vacuum.  He feels like he is in a vacuum.

The next day he rides his bike to her mother’s store.  They talk.  She apologizes.  He tells her it is fine and he understands why they had hope.  The new him seems to be a tool.  He tells her that it is done and that he can’t see them anymore, or at least not for a long time.  He needs to find himself again.  Needs to relearn that love doesn’t suck and it is worth pursuing.  She tells him it is and he will find it.  She says he is an amazing guy.  He isn’t too sure.

As he is leaving she rides up on her bike.  Once again happy and carefree.

“Thanks for coming last night.”  She says.

Doesn’t she get it?  Doesn’t she know how hard and well humiliating that was?  “No problem.  It was nice to see you again.  Glad you’re doing well”, he says.  Did she pick up on how he really didn’t mean the last part?  It was nice to see her.  It was nice too long for her again.

“How do you classify it?”

“What?”

“Well Simon, you know my new boyfriend, he likes to classify all of his encounters and meetings of new people.  Isn’t that cool?  I mean so progressive, right?”

“It was fine.  Nothing more than fine.”

He rides off not looking back and knowing that it wasn’t fine.  That is just something you say to people.  He understands that but isn’t sure she does.  He wonders why do we continue to protect people who do not deserve to be protected.  He wonders how long will it be before he finds someone who is deserving of his protection.  Who will appreciate him?  He knows he doesn’t know and knows that no one knows.  All, he knows, is that for now everything is fine.  Nothing more than fine.

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